10 Trade Deadline Predictions

Today is the MLB trade deadline and so I decided to take this opportunity to write about it. All the pointless predictions you never wanted to know and were always afraid to ask for. I like lists so I'll do this in list form so it's easy for everyone to keep up.

Here we go...

1. Zach Greinke will not be traded.

... wait, he was traded already? To who? The Angels? Nuts, let's start over.



Top 10 Trade Deadline Predictions

1. The New York Yankees will shock the world by swooping in to trade for some middle tier arm that they had not been linked to before.

2. The Cubs and Dodgers agree to a deal involving both Ryan Dempster and Alfonso Soriano, but the intern in charge of fedexing the paperwork will get drunk on his way to the post office and forget to put the agreement in the mail until tomorrow, making the deal null and void.

3. The same intern will be given the newly vacated Boston Red Sox head coaching job.

4. Cliff Lee gets traded... back to the Mariners who couldn't get him to sign a ridiculously bad long term deal, so they let Philly do it knowing they could buy him back this year for a years supply of Starbucks coffee and free ferry rides to the San Juan Islands every summer.

5. Cincinatti and Pittsburgh duel it out with Philly for Shane Victorino, but it's all a head game and the Bucs trade for Justin Morneau while the Reds land Juan Pierre, making the two players combined age of 135 the oldest pair of bats acquired by the same division in one year since the Holy Rollers and Heavenly Flood landed Noah and Methesulah in July of 1697 BC.

6. The second great flood comes before Arizona trades Justin Upton.

7. Arizona trades Justin Upton to the Seattle Mariners for Felix Hernandez amid reports that the polar ice-caps are melting.

8. The Nationals trade Bryce Harper to Potomac Fever for Rob Walter as insurance for Steven Strasburg who is set to be shut down some time after setting the record for the most innings ever thrown by a pitcher that was limited to 160 IP.

9. Bryce Harper goes 0-5 in Pot Fever's playoff opener and is promptly cut and replaced by Mario World.

10. Jamie Moyer trades his arm ligaments to the Nationals to be implanted in Strasburg in an effort to add innings to his season. The move allows Moyer to continue his pursuit of 300 wins while sitting on his couch.